Have you ever encountered this situation? When your mood completely collapses, feeling like the world is crumbling, just like a water pipe in your house suddenly bursts and water floods the floor, those loved ones who care about you rush in with saws and scissors trying to help?
Their eyes are full of anxiety, their movements surprisingly fast, but looking at the tools in their hands, you just think: “Oh my god, what are you doing? I need a plumber right now, not a lumberjack!”
This kind of “loving but ineffective” or even “loving but harmful” scene is, to put it plainly, the dilemma we most often face during emotional breakdowns.
Why is “It’s Okay” the Most Dangerous Comfort?
When a person is in extreme pain, the last thing they need to hear is nonsense attempting to downplay the pain. We often unintentionally say some “dangerous statements”, such as:
| Wrong Statement | Listener’s Feeling |
|---|---|
| “That’s life, everyone goes through it.” | So my pain is ordinary? |
| “You are still too young, look on the bright side.” | Doesn’t youth deserve huge despair? |
| “It’s okay, just sleep on it and you’ll be fine.” | If sleeping could fix it, the pipe wouldn’t have burst. |
These words are superficially comforting, but actually implying the person’s pain is “unimportant” or “unreasonable”.
This directly causes secondary trauma to the person, making them feel they don’t even have the right to be in pain, leading to deeper self-negation.
This is the so-called “Water Pipe Theory”. Although relatives and friends are full of love, they are holding saws (giving advice, preaching)
Professional counselors are the “plumbers” who understand the principles and have tools to fix the pipes. Love cannot replace professional repair skills.
Sometimes, the awareness of “unable to help” is actually the gentlest consideration
High-Functioning Depression: The Injured Athlete Still Running on the Field
There is another situation that is even more heartbreaking, which is “high-functioning depression”. These people may look like they are at the peak of their lives on the outside, successful in their careers, socially active, and even comforting others.
We can liken these people to “injured athletes”. Although their knee ligaments are torn, because the game is still on and the audience is cheering, they insist on playing relying on amazing willpower and “compensation mechanisms”.
Outsiders see brilliant skills, but don’t see the severe pain they endure with every step. This “toughing it out” is not true strength, but a drastic consumption of internal energy. If you don’t allow yourself to stop, the wound will only tear repeatedly until the day it is completely scrapped.
How to Give Yourself Another Chance to Live?
If you feel like you are that person with a burst pipe or an injured person toughing it out, please give yourself a hug first. You don’t have to make any great decisions in that state, you just need to do some “safe companionship” and “self-repair”.
| Step | Method | Content |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Social Decluttering: Turn off those noises | Allow yourself to retreat temporarily. Cut off those social connections that give you “saw-style suggestions”. Only stay with those who make you feel safe and don’t require you to pretend to be strong, or just stay quietly. |
| 2 | Set Incredibly Small Goals | Don’t think about what to do tomorrow, think “I want to eat a delicious donut today”. After completing this tiny task, allow yourself to veg out on the floor and do nothing. When emotionally collapsing, survival is the highest achievement. |
| 3 | “Divert” Tasks and Emotions | When problems come overwhelming, handle only one thing at a time. If you can’t handle tasks now, then turn to handle emotions first. If emotions are too intense, let them flow, don’t force yourself to think of solutions. |
| 4 | Seek a Real “Plumber” | Admitting you need professional help is not shameful, it is a rational manifestation. Counseling or seeking medical help (sometimes it’s endocrine imbalance requiring medication), let professionals catch you with a protective shield, instead of letting loved ones fix indiscriminately with saws. |
Time Passed Is Passed
Pain has an end. Although you may not see the exit in the dark, please remember “time passed is passed”.
If you feel you can’t paddle anymore, want to lie flat, want to rest, that is okay, that is allowed.
Give yourself a little more chance, and give professionals a chance to catch you. You don’t need to fix that spraying pipe alone, you just need to move yourself to a drier, safer corner before the plumber arrives.
